How is it possible that you’d be nearly 11 months.
Light brown eyes, thick hair.
I still remember every single little detail about you. Down to the feeling of first holding you in my hand. You were curled up and born straight into Mummy’s hands. So small and so precious.
& then I held you. I sat down I held you in my arms, held you so close to my chest and I felt you with all of my heart & soul. I’d never felt anything like that before.
But these types of days, it just aches, and I can’t believe how painful it is.
& how many women feel this, but no-one ever tells you or prepares a woman for that type of pain – emotional, physical, spiritual.
But in that I got to be a Mum,
My first-born son, & you are the whole sun, the whole light and the biggest star that shines so bright.
& I, me… I am a Mum,
only I’m a Mum to an angel in the heavens above.
Today I feel so much pain and so much loss.
Everywhere we go as a family I think of what it would have been if you were here with us too.
Mummy Loves You xxx 30-08-2020
31-08-2020
I woke up early, I meditated and then stood outside with a coffee.
& then a small fully white fluffy feather just flew in front of my eye line and landed in the alley, next to the back door.
I cried a lot yesterday and I prayed for a sign – for comfort, peace- a sign of you to show your close to me.