Meditate on the name of Lord. Meditate on God – inner peace and healing. Grateful! Loved! Calmer!
Today I’ve had a slow start, I’ve been emotional, had a cry & as I sit writing this, I feel a little better – lighter.
I have a lot of faith in you God, I’ve found comfort, peace, love… but I haven’t spoken to you in a really long time.
I listen to your praise – from all the religions and teachings, and I feel you inside of me,
But I haven’t been able to speak to you.
Subconsciously I know I do, I talk to you throughout the day – when I’m giving my thanks, expressing wholehearted gratitude. I listen to bani daily, reciting your words in between doing whatever it is that I do…
But still I don’t remember the last time I wanted to talk to you, from my heart I mean.
I call out for your help, your guidance whenever I get that unbearable pain and my chest gets tighter, my throat and head feeling like it’s getting hotter, an ocean of tears about to take over my sight.
I call for you then and it calms down and I compose and I start to feel okay again
But still, we don’t speak…
It’s because you broke my heart!
& you know you did; you’ve seen the affect it all had on me.
Something was taken from me and I feel it every day and forever; something will be missing from me.
I was too emotional, too broken, too traumatized.
I had to seek you within to heal, to understand everything and find some peace.
You know I couldn’t speak to you, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind,
Only you know how many times I cried, wished for you to take my life.
It’s been 10 months now, there’s no significance to the date, or that it’s a Tuesday.
But I know your love is what helped me the most.
I’m going within and I’m healing, re-programming and I’m starting to really find some inner peace. I needed that time before I could seek you externally, speak with you from my heart.
Thank you for getting me this far. But this is just the start.
I’m going to keep speaking to you from the heart!
September 2, 2021
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