Meditate on the name of Lord. Meditate on God – inner peace and healing. Grateful! Loved! Calmer!
Today I’ve had a slow start, I’ve been emotional, had a cry & as I sit writing this, I feel a little better – lighter.
I have a lot of faith in you God, I’ve found comfort, peace, love… but I haven’t spoken to you in a really long time.
I listen to your praise – from all the religions and teachings, and I feel you inside of me,
But I haven’t been able to speak to you.
Subconsciously I know I do, I talk to you throughout the day – when I’m giving my thanks, expressing wholehearted gratitude. I listen to bani daily, reciting your words in between doing whatever it is that I do…
But still I don’t remember the last time I wanted to talk to you, from my heart I mean.
I call out for your help, your guidance whenever I get that unbearable pain and my chest gets tighter, my throat and head feeling like it’s getting hotter, an ocean of tears about to take over my sight.
I call for you then and it calms down and I compose and I start to feel okay again
But still, we don’t speak…
It’s because you broke my heart!
& you know you did; you’ve seen the affect it all had on me.
Something was taken from me and I feel it every day and forever; something will be missing from me.
I was too emotional, too broken, too traumatized.
I had to seek you within to heal, to understand everything and find some peace.
You know I couldn’t speak to you, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind,
Only you know how many times I cried, wished for you to take my life.
It’s been 10 months now, there’s no significance to the date, or that it’s a Tuesday.
But I know your love is what helped me the most.
I’m going within and I’m healing, re-programming and I’m starting to really find some inner peace. I needed that time before I could seek you externally, speak with you from my heart.
Thank you for getting me this far. But this is just the start.
