“My son let this be the blessing of thy mother; forget not him whose song renews our soul, and makes it clean of all dust; whose love is our salvation.
Let this be the blessing of thy mother.
May the master be merciful to thee, and, by His mercy, mayest thou always feel the Divine filling thy heart! May His Grave be thy raiment and His Name thy food! And Honour come to thee direct from Him, and bliss without end flor from him in thy soul;
Mayest thou drink nectar from the cup that is in His Hands, and may the cup be for ever thine.
Let this be the blessings of thy mother. May no anxieties prey upon mind, and may His peace abide with thee! & mayest thou like a bee, abide in the flower of His feet! My son, let this be the blessing of thy mother. Mayest thou everyday be closer bound to thy Beloved!
May thy devotion prosper, and thy soul shine it its own glory”
The message of a mother’s love, delivered on a farewell to her son. Her son – The Fifth Master, Arjun Dev Nanak Ji.
Words of Mata Bhani, the mother of Guru Arjun Dev Ji Maharaj.
I miss you. I couldn’t find the words today and when I was meditating, I thought of Mata Bhani so I write them words as my prayer for you. But I still wonder for you, crave for you. I think I have a constant ache for you; does it go away? Not really; It gets masked by life tasks but I’m always aware it’s there, & if I’m not – you can guarantee something, or someone is going to make me be. Triggers everywhere but somehow it got better and now not every pram I see breaks me. In fact, nothing really does. Sometimes I even wonder… is that okay, because I wonder if I’ve turned myself into some sort of robot and other times, I get upset that it must mean I’m forgetting you. But that can never happen; I just have to chat to myself; go through to my head piece and say it’s okay that I am no longer so affected; I’m supposed to still live. How do I live without you though? I thought I never could, but I knew that I should. & now that I’m living, I don’t know if I ever truly was. I don’t know a thing tbh… I just know that I love you more than a thousand suns, my gorgeous shining star. You were proper gorgeous you know; I know I shouldn’t say so much but honestly; you took my breath away.
I love putting your handprints in mine and I imagine what it would feel like to hold your little hands. I love that your hands were the same as mine. I wonder if you’d call me Mum, or would you be cheeky and call me ‘Tasha’ -because all the kids do. None of them call me Massi or Puwa, but when they get told off, I secretly tell them ‘it’s okay I am your Tash or Tasha’. I’d tell you off though, I need to hear you call me Mummy Ji. I heard you in my dream once, at the airport when you saw me; you put your arms straight out to me & called me ‘ammi’. Isn’t that funny… I always said I didn’t want to be ‘mum’, I wanted to be ‘ammi’. You looked big in that dream, like 18 months and you had high tops on, and you were wearing a baseball cap… but backwards. That was the first time I dreamt of you. We were going on holiday but somehow, I ended up losing sight of you and then your Daddy got you and as soon as you saw me, you jumped straight into my arms. You know your cousin sister naynay, she gave me a big hug today and said ‘Happy Mother’s Day Tash’… my eyes welled up, her heart takes me by surprise, and then she looked at me and said ‘what… you are a mother & you always will be’. & nuvee gave me a ‘Best Massi in the World’ card, it said ‘I love you soooooo much, happy Mother’s Day, I will never leaf you’, & beneath it was a sticker of a leaf, in the shape of a heart.
Your Massi misses you lots too; she calls you her little pot of gold. We always talk about how the girls would have been obsessed with you.
We all miss you; you are missing from all of us, but you hold a very special place in all of our hearts, and we all share a very special love in you. My son but the whole sun for all of us.
Mummy Loves you, we all Love You.
October 4, 2021
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